Stop beating yourself up!

December 15, 2023

Do you ever notice how much harder you are on yourself than you would ever be to your friends or loved ones?   I saw this loud and clear the last two weeks at work. My company is upgrading its electronic health record (EHR), and it’s been stressful!  As I go through the process, and slowly learn how to use the system, I notice that some of us are catching on fast while others are struggling.

To be completely vulnerable and transparent, I’m one of the people struggling.   That’s because learning new technology does not come naturally to me.  My brain is working so hard to focus on learning these new skills that I’m mentally exhausted and I’m still working hard to show up as my best self for my employees,  patients,  family, and myself.  I’m exhausted and probably a little cranky.

On top of that, as I watch some of my colleagues mastering this process, I’m jealous of their ease.  I start to feel stupid and beat myself up, but that just makes things worse.

When I mentally berate myself it makes me feel bad.  That negativity oozes out onto my coworkers, patients, and sometimes even comes home to my family.  It also makes it harder for me to learn.  My mind needs to be open and focused to learn new things.  Negative self-talk just shuts my mind down.

So when I find myself in this negative, self-defeating cycle, I have strategies to bring myself out.  I share them in case they can help you too!

When I feel the grip of negativity take hold, I pause and recognize what’s happening.  The awareness of the negative spiral is sometimes all I need to break the spell.   I give myself some compassion for what I’m feeling by reminding myself that it’s natural to feel frustrated when I am struggling.  

Then I try to zoom out and look at the big picture.  I remind myself why I’m doing this and put it into perspective.  In this case, I love being part of my pediatrics practice and caring for my patients.  Learning how to do this is necessary to accomplish that.  In the scheme of things, my struggle with learning a new skill is nothing!

Once I’ve broken the spell of negativity,  I intentionally choose my thoughts and mindset to move forward effectively.  Here are a few I’ve used in the last two weeks.

There is no shame in struggling.  

You learn at your own pace.

You will get there. 

You can do hard things.

You can do this!

I know I will eventually get to the point where I am fully comfortable with this new system. Whatever frustration you are dealing with, try not to beat yourself up.  Just aim to be a little bit better today than you were yesterday and give yourself compassion when you are not.