If You’re Always Looking for Validation, You’re Not Alone

Do you ever catch yourself waiting for someone else to tell you you’re doing a good job?

Maybe it shows up like this:

• Checking your email more than you want to admit, hoping for positive feedback.

• Feeling anxious until someone responds with “Great work!” or “You’re amazing.”

• Signing up for another course or certification because you don’t feel like you quite measure up yet.

• Scrolling social media, wondering if your post didn’t get enough likes, comments, or engagement.

• Saying “yes” to things you don’t actually want to do because you don’t want to disappoint anyone.

• Needing reassurance before you can move forward on something you already know is right for you.

  
  

If any of this feels familiar, you’re not alone.  I recently earned my International Coach Federation Associate Certified Coach (ICF ACC) credential. It took me a long time before I sat for the exam because I wasn’t sure I wanted to take it at all.   I kept doubting my motives.  In the coaching world, a certification is not required, so why did I want it? Was I considering getting this certification because I wanted another gold star?  I’ve spent a lot of my life chasing gold stars. It started in childhood and continued through my career in medicine.  Always striving for one more course, one more credential, one more checkbox to reach another peak and maybe to prove to myself that I am good enough. When I went through my coaching journey, this mindset came along for the ride: “I should take one more training.  I need another certification. I should learn that new technique.”

You might not be a coach but if you are a physician, a mother, or simply a human, this might resonate with you.  This mindset pushes us forward but there is a serious downside if there is a sense of “not enough” under your achievements.  The fact is that there is no moment when you suddenly feel “done.”  There is no magical certificate that finally makes you “enough.”  

If you’re making decisions from a place of insecurity, no amount of external validation is ever going to fill that feeling.   I don’t want to stop achieving but I want to do it for the right reasons.

So why did I end up taking the exam?  Nobody was breathing down my neck about it. It wasn’t going to change how I show up with my clients and colleagues. And after decades of recertifying for my pediatrics boards (spending money, time, and energy on things that don’t actually make me a better pediatrician), I had zero interest in joining another certifying body just for the sake of it.  On top of that, I reminded myself that I didn’t need the ACC to validate me as a coach. I know who I am and how I show up. No exam or acronym after my name was going to change that.

But then one day one of my colleagues said, “just take it over the finish line”.  At that moment I realized that I was overanalyzing this exam and thinking about it the wrong way.  Not taking it was a disservice to myself.  There was so little work left to take the final step and get the credential and the certification does potentially help me in a practical way. Maybe not today, but in the future.  My purpose in life is to positively impact the physical and emotional health and well-being of as many people as I can, and this credential might expand the spaces where I’m able to do that. My current organization and career don’t require it, but what about future opportunities I can’t see yet?  What’s the harm in having the certification?  Once I viewed it through the lens of purpose instead of insecurity, the decision made sense, so I took it.

If you’re debating whether to take a course, get a certification, or pursue something new, ask yourself:  Is this coming from a sense of “I’m not enough”? Or is it coming from genuine curiosity, growth, or opportunity? If it’s the first one, take a breath. You don’t need to prove anything. If it’s the second, go for it. Let it be a choice that expands you, not something you chase to fill a gap.

Remind yourself, “I am already enough!”  This statement is hard to believe, especially for those of us who’ve lived in systems built on evaluation and comparison.  Learning is infinite. Growth is infinite. You get to choose what you pursue based on what feels aligned, not what you think you have to do to be worthy.

Give yourself permission to grow because you want to, not because you’re trying to earn your worth. 

You are already enough.