Mother’s Day is a time to recognize mothers. These are my kids (from more than a few years ago). As a mother, I’m almost an empty nester and I’m facing a lot of emotions around this change. Reflecting, I realize how quickly things change. Once you get the hang of your child’s developmental stage and routines, they move on to new ones. Our mothering skills need to evolve and change as our children grow. “Mother” is not a static, clearly defined job and it’s not simply “a female parent” as defined by Merriam-Webster’s dictionary. A recent experience has me thinking even more broadly, reflecting on the term mother as a verb, “to care for or protect”.
Earlier this year I decided to join a singing group. One of my New Year's resolutions was to lean into discomfort and practice doing things that will help me grow, despite my fears of negative emotions like embarrassment, rejection, and failure. What better way than to join a singing group where I had to get on stage and sing in front of others? So off I went to my first meeting of “Moms Who Sing”. At the first session, the leaders asked us to go around the room and introduce ourselves. They said, “tell us your name, why you joined the class, and who you mother.” That’s easy, I am the mother of three kids aged 23, 20, and 16. But as people started speaking, I realized they meant “mother” as a verb. Who do I care for or protect? From that perspective, the list expands and includes my mother, employees, patients, colleagues, and dog. No wonder I’m tired.
Then I took it one step further and asked myself, “How do I mother”? I want to be warm, nurturing, and supportive. Regardless of who I am caring for and how old they are, I want to show up as my best self. I’m not proud of the times I’ve reached the end of my rope and yelled at my child or snapped at an employee. I know those actions come out when I am tired or stressed. I know to have compassion for myself when it happens and to apologize for my behavior. But I want to stay calm and grounded so that people feel heard, valued, and respected. I might still have to give a “no” to those I mother but it can be a kind and respectful “no”. I want to mother with presence and integrity. To stay in that space, I know that I need to take time to mother myself.
I’ve realized that I can’t mother well unless I care for myself regularly and not just on Mother’s Day.
On this Mother’s Day, I ask you this:
Who do you mother?
How do you mother?
And how will you mother yourself?
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